Friday, December 13, 2013

Whispers to the Writer: Jace Camden - Function

BOOK: Book One: Warrior

Jace Camden is the main protagonist in the Soul Bound Series: Warrior. This is the first book of the series and Soul Bound is very dear to me. Book one deals with  manic depression, the tragedy of suicide and the victims the pain leaves behind.

  Jace is a man whose haunted by a love still wanting him despite the darkness of death due to bonds of love. He's a tragic figure. Very rough childhood due to being gifted with second sight that was thought to be "from the devil" when he was very young. His own family wanted nothing to do with him and he was committed to a brutal asylum to be "saved" at the early age of eleven. It wasn't until he found some peace as an adult as he tried to come to terms that he was "insane" when he met Laura Camden. The youngest daughter of a prominent man in his home town, Jace finally found happiness and his soul mate. But things became twisted and pained as his beautiful new wife's soul was overtaken by something sinister. 

The insight below is a year after Laura's tragic death. A death that almost all believe Jace was the cause of. A murderer that got away with a murder. 

Our hero isn't doing very well. He's still trying to convince himself he's just insane, that he's just one RX from coping and what he sees and hears and feels...cannot be real.


"Function. That's what I keep telling myself. Just function. Wake up, get up, do what you have to do and function. It's what every fucking shrink tells me to do. It's simple Mr. Camden, just function day to day."

Lets out a bitter laugh and rubs hands over his face. "That's such bullshit. No matter how many times I tell myself to function? I know it's a lie. It's a lie when I'm sitting in meetings listening to the blah blah of this or that and can feel her. It's a lie when I really want to enjoy just watching mindless blather on the television and she speaks to me. It's a lie when I try to sleep and she won't leave me alone. When I can feel her wanting what I can not give. It's all a fucking lie."

Drops hands and lets out a desperately long sigh. "I keep telling myself I just need to up my dosage. I just need to see about more sessions. Maybe run more. Sleep less. Eat healthy." More laughter and a pained sound. "I know that's bullshit too. I was supposed  to go too that day. Both of us. I know that now. I know that Laura never meant to spend eternity alone. That she had a plan. And it failed. But she's still trying to succeed. Sometimes I wish she had."

"I tell myself that failure is a good thing. That I'm still alive. I'm still able to wake up" curls lip in disgust "and function. Function. Function. Function." Smirks and spins copper bracelet on his wrist. "Fucking function. What does that mean really?"

Pins with a haunted hazel gaze. "Does it mean you get up? You get dressed? Toss some food down your gut? You smile when spoken to. Respond when asked a question? Yeah. That means everyone is fooled. They all think you're fine. They all can easily be tricked into not worrying. To assure themselves you're okay. You're no longer a danger. You're out of the fucking woods. Because they really don't want to think otherwise. It's easier to believe a lie than try to see the truth."

"Function. I hate that word. There's some days I want to just stay in bed. Refuse to function. To just lay there, let her come to me and beg and cry for me to go with her. To just close my eyes and cease to function. Would it end it? Would this fucking nightmare finally run its course and it can"

Drops his head to stare at the floor as he slowly shakes it. "Function. Did you know that no matter how hard you try to will your heart to stop beating it wont. No. It just keeps thumping along in your chest. That no matter how much you tell yourself not to breathe, your lungs betray you and will do what they want?"

Closes his eyes and rubs his palm over a ear that is forever ringing. Forever reminding. "That no matter how much you tell your head to give you a fucking break? It never does. How much you beg your heart to just stop hurting. To give you some peace. A minute would be nice. A day would be amazing. It just hurts more?"

Sighs and stands. "That no matter how much you say you're going to be okay. That one day it will be better and you'll be happy? You'll be able to function?" Looks back. "You know it's a lie."

Looks down at Laura's cold hand wrapping around his own. "And she knows it too. It's just a matter of time."


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