The Last Pill

Note: This is the third f*ing time I've tried to post this. And here I go again.  Staying true to my tasks and commitments are HARD. Like posting a new blog post here every Sunday - but I shall prevail! My wordy goldfish will not die and float belly up in a fish bowl of fail! NO SIREE!

Okay... back on topic... Sorry, I rambled a little. It's almost 2am, that's just bound to happen.
Carry on. 

Happy Sunday!
I am on an extremely tight, self-imposed, but needed, deadline for Murder. I had every intention of having it to my alpha reader tonight, but I also wanted to spend time with my grand kids. They are moving away next month to the Odessa area and that's almost 8 hours away. So I kept them for a few days and it was great. But that also means I didn't get the hours in to work on Marcus' book--in fact, I'm working on it as we speak. I hope to have it out of my hands this week right before Thanksgiving. And as I carried on with my normal Sunday activity to prep for the upcoming week, I discovered an even bigger reason to get it done while I can, beyond my tight, high-pressure deadline. 

See this?
This is one lonely pill in it's soon to be empty orange bottle. 

That little pill is what has worked to keep my bi-polar depression in check. After so many doctors, years of therapists, I finally had the pill that allowed me to function, be sane, not bite people's heads off one day and hug and want to kiss them a minute later.  Or be so angry and grumpy that even the UPS truck would just slow down, throw a box and speed up (hasn't really happened, but it does make for a funny visual).  

As I said in LAST WEEK (yes, let's revel in the fact I've done two blog posts in that many weeks, that's a big deal people! I am very, very, busy. And I procrastinate some days. Shrugs, I can get distracted by a sandwich, total transparency here - full stop, or something ridiculous). But anyway, if you were paying attention - I lost my corporate job. And that means... ding, ding. No more insurance.

I'm sure you are going to ask, which is logical, why don't I just pay for it myself? Well, that would be great to do if it didn't cost me almost $1300 for a one-month supply. Or, if I could have afforded my Cobra option at almost $700 a month. OR, pay for insurance on my own and pay almost $500 a month. I'm sorry, but if you want to get into a debate or discussion or, let's be honest, with me it's going to be a heated argument - about why one of the most advanced, prosperous and most admired countries in the WORLD doesn't provide health insurance for it's citizens - then it might not be wise. IT'S ESPECIALLY unwise to do so in a week. But it will be more entertaining then, that's for sure. 

The truth is this - when it comes down to eating, paying for electricity and the crucial things like toilet tissue versus filling up an orange bottle with pills, chances are... the meds are going to lose. And I'm not the only American citizen in this position. There are U.S. citizens all over our grand country that have to choose between being sick or getting care. Going to a doctor with a huge expensive deductible or going to the ER where they don't make you pay upfront and having a huge, expense bill come later. Or, like me, not filling an RX because it's just too damn expensive.

Now, I have looked into holistic, natural supplements and they have been ordered and on their way. But I also know that in a week or so, I will go through anti-depressant withdrawal as my body sheds itself of a chemical it's used to getting. One it relied on. One I needed. And once I've gone through that, I will attempt to keep myself from acting too nuts to all you lurkers, friends, family and readers as much as possible. But I can promise you, it won't be pretty. Might be strangely amusing and entertaining but chances are, it won't be at all attractive. Like a dumpster fire made up by ugly crying, bitter tears.

This GIF however....IS ADORABLE!

See, I know how it's going to go. I'm going to feel ill.  Headaches, stomach aches, body aches and just out and out miserable as my brain acts like an addict missing out on a fix. I'm going to feel exhausted and emotional. I'll lash out. I'll cry and I most likely will curl up in the bed and not move from there for a few days. Then I'll get stinky, the dog will no longer want to steal most of the bed from me and then, maybe, just maybe, there's a chance I'll get up and shower. If not, would one of you kind people come hose me off? Please?  And uh, bring food? Because chances are I haven't eaten either.

Then it'll start waning. I'll feel better, the herbal stuff will start taking the edge off and hopefully I didn't destroy my brand. My readership. Get arrested or alienated the few friends I have left. I'll apologize or I won't. Chances are, I won't say a word and just deal. It's what I do. I just hope the damage isn't so bad there is duct tape needed. I suck with duct tape. I get weirded out if it's not straight.

Oh wait, where was I?
It's 2am notw...and no calling out my typos or grammar oopsies. I am sure Lori is asleep and couldn't check this. Don't be judge-y. It's rude. Gosh. 

So here's to a new week. YAY! It's going to be fantastic. Or it's going to be a shit-show and you all get to watch. But I have a book to finish while chemicals are keeping a leash on my special, creative brain. 

Oh, and go buy some books, why don't you.
We'll call it donations to the Drug Fund.
Or, helping out a certified crazy author who really should be on meds fund.
Nah, that last one was WAY too wordy. 

Pick up the books here:
https://www.amazon.com/Jas-T.-Ward/e/B00CJO70A8/

Or go to my website:
www.AuthorJasTWard.com

Or follow my Facebook page - who KNOWS what may show up there in the coming days.
Be afraid, be very, very afraid. 
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJasTWard/